haven’t been on tumblr in a looooong time. or posted anything. maybe that’s why i’m unraveling. that sounds a little stupid, but having an outlet for creative inspiration, and a place to share my thoughts, vent, cry, what have you, does more good than sitting in a room full of pretentious, coked-out “friends” and looking for the same things there. 

for now i’ll just say this: the past 6 months have been a fucking roller coaster, in the best AND worst ways. i learned a lot of things the hard way, and i did the best i could. and i know i can do better. and i will. and i will not apologize nor make explanations regarding MY life to anyone except my professors and the handful of people in my life that actually matter. for ANY of it. because those are the people that aren’t even asking for apologies or explanations. 

i’ll be better. i’ll do better. and for the love of god, if one more person tells me they are worried about me, or tells me how to live my life when it’s not their place, the REAL honest bitch monster inside me will come out. i put her away along time ago, but i’m done feeling like shit when it’s avoidable. 

i know for a fact that i don’t deserve it. so i refuse to take it anymore. I’m doing the best that I can. Accept it, or get the hell out of my way

i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this. 

I have to. I have to put that piece of you away in a box for awhile and focus because everything will fall apart if I don’t and I am NOT about to let that happen. 

DAMMIT. can’t you just want me as as much as I want you? PLEASE